Many women, especially young girls, often feel insecure in their romantic relationships. Well, sometimes our worst expectations are justifiable, but it can also be easy to doubt our partner’s feelings because of our own insecurities or a bad previous relationship. Luckily, there are several signs that can help you understand if your partner is really into you or if they’re just using you for their own benefit.
Bright Side understands how confusing relationships can be, so we want to shed some light on how to determine the real intentions of your partner.
Loves you: He stares at you all the time.
Songwriters of many romantic songs got it right: the man who is really in love with you, won’t be able to take his eyes off of you. Many men have this special look in their eyes when you’re all dressed up for a Friday night. But if you notice that he watches you with wonder and excitement when you do simple things, like cook dinner or put on your coat, he’s probably in love.
Uses you: He doesn’t make you feel special.
It feels like you’re no different from any other girl he’s ever been with or from his friends. He may constantly compare you with other people or not show you any affection at all. And if you feel like you’re just one out of many, he probably just doesn’t care enough to appreciate you.
Loves you: He doesn’t freak out even when you expect him to.
We all have skeletons in our closets and it’s completely fine that for some people they can be a deal breaker. But if your partner knows a lot about your past, including the moments you’re not very proud of and he’s still with you, he’s probably more into you than you think. Embracing all the sides of another person, and not just the pleasant ones, is a sign of a mature relationship and love.
Uses you: You constantly feel guilty.
It seems like you can’t do anything right starting from dealing with problems at work, to choosing food for your cat at the supermarket. If you constantly feel like no matter what you do, you’re not enough and could’ve done better, it’s time to run away from your relationship. There’s nothing wrong with trying to help your partner become a better person, but these changes should be imposed through love and care and not by making you feel guilty.
Loves you: He’s more aware of how his behavior can affect you.
We all have our patterns of behavior and don’t always fully understand how they affect other people. If you notice that your partner is becoming more self-aware and is trying to behave in a way so that you won’t get hurt or disappointed, this is a good sign. But keep in mind that if you’re concerned about something or want him to act differently, it’s better to have a conversation and not expect him to understand it on his own. Your man can’t read your mind, right?
Uses you: He disappears on you.
You make plans together and he bails out at the last moment. Or it takes him ages to respond to your texts or phone calls. Yes, he can be busy from time to time, but the person who truly appreciates you will find a moment to check in with you. If it feels like he doesn’t value your time, you probably hang out with him only when it’s convenient for him and on his schedule.
Loves you: He notices small details that make you happy.
We all love grand gestures, but it’s the little things that matter the most. For example, he remembers your favorite ice cream flavor, a stupid TV-show you watch when you’re sad, or the name of your very first pet. These things show that he cares enough to go beyond the stereotypical things like flowers and candy (but we still love them) and engage with you on a more personal level.
Uses you: He is never ready to compromise.
Finding compromises can be hard, especially if your relationship is new but it’s the goal we all should be focused on. Your partner should respect your opinion and be ready to find the right balance so you’re both happy. If he doesn’t want to give up his “right” to decide everything, it’s probably time to escape from such a controlling relationship.
Loves you: He opens up to you and expects you to do the same.
We all feel vulnerable in our relationships, but it’s difficult to build a strong one without sharing your thoughts and feelings. If he’s ready toovercome the fear of rejection and be open with you about his fears and problems, he trusts you and can see a future with you. And this works both ways: he’s interested in knowing the real you, not just the pretty armor you may have been putting on.
Uses you: He emotionally manipulates you.
He knows your strengths and weaknesses and tries to manipulate you into doing the things he wants. This type of relationship is unacceptable no matter what. If you notice that you constantly feel guilty or your partner’s emotions dominate yours, it’s probably time to take a step back and assess what’s going on.
Loves you: He’s ready to talk through problems.
Although a healthy amount of emotion can actually be beneficial for resolving conflicts and keeping your partner happy, screaming won’t solve the problem. After you are both done being emotional, your partner should be ready to have a conversation to talk things over. Communication is the key to a strong relationship and a partner who loves you should be able to put his ego aside and admit he could’ve been wrong.
Uses you: He provokes you to make public scenes or stays silent for days.
We get that things can get too emotional sometimes, but a man who loves you would never publicly humiliate you by making a scene or resent you by staying silent for days. These behaviors can be a sign of emotional manipulation, an inability to control their emotions, or even a form of “punishment” for the things you’ve done wrong. A man who truly loves you would never hurt you, so if this is not the attitude you want, you’d better run away from this relationship.
Have you ever been in a situation where you felt like you’ve been played by your partner? What were the signs? Share your story in the comments.
Illustrated by Daniil Shubin for BrightSide.me