You can hate the player and hate the game, just be smart and know how it's played.
By Kimberly James
We all like to pretend to we’re too old for mind games, ghosting, and playing hard to get, but are we? From tweets to Tinder bios, everyone seems to be saying they “don’t want to play games.” And yet, at the end of the day, it seems like we all keep falling into the same game.
The reality is, there’s something to the whole “thrill of the chase” thing that can be hard to overcome. But that doesn’t have to mean settling down is impossible. In fact, dating advice will tell you that the thrill of the chase is fleeting, and there comes a time in most of our lives when we’re ready to take a breather and settle down with someone we love.
However, some of us would rather just skip all the games in the first place. So what happens if you don’t want to play? If you’d rather not watch it go down in flames, there are ways to avoid all the drama: looking out for all the signs he's a player.
We've seen him in movies, we've read about him in books, but what if the guy you are interested in is the player we have come to detest? They say don’t hate the player, hate the game, but what if you could just avoid them both altogether? Look for these tell-tale signs of a modern day Casanova.
1. He keeps you waiting.
Showing up extremely late, failing to properly cancel plans and not responding to texts or emails during conversation are signs of a blow off. Your time is not important to him because he knows he can see you anytime he wants.
2. He has a wandering eye.
Does an attractive girl come in his line of vision and he loses focus on you to focus on her? Does he distance himself from you when you are together if there are pretty girls around?
These could be signs that he wants to appear unattached and available. If he is busy shopping for his "next" while he is with you, let him go.
3. He's a little too flirtatious and friendly.
Although this can be a harmless personality trait in some, a player doesn't know how to control it.
Flirting is his second language. He calls the lady at check out "hun," the hostess at the restaurant "sweetie," the cute bartender is his new best friend, and the girl in the short workout outfit is suddenly his new spotting partner. Every woman he encounters has potential, in some way or another.
4. Communication is hit or miss.
One day you are texting every two minutes, the next two days you don't hear from him. If there is inconsistency with your pattern of talking which is not explained by work or other obligations, chances are he sees his connection with you like a library book: He can check in or out as necessary.
5. Your relationship is strictly private.
You have seen every movie on Netflix but you have never seen a movie in a theater. You have tried every take out menu in a ten block radius, but you have never been taken out for dinner. If you spend more time indoors than outdoors (and not for the good reasons), he may be keeping you inside as a chick on the side.
6. He only wants late night dates.
Does Mr. Tall Dark & Handsome only seem to know your number after 2 AM? Does he text you before he's heading out on a guys night out and tell you he wants to stop by after? Flattering as it may be that he wants to end his night with you, a booty call is what it looks like.
7. You have no photos together.
If he shies away from taking a picture with you, there's a reason. Unless he's a vampire and doesn't show up on film, no photos allowed can mean he doesn't want to be immortalized with you.
8. His friends remain nameless.
When talking about his friends, if they are referred to as "the guys," "my boys," or "homies," either he has horrible name recognition skills or he doesn't want to let you get to close to knowing more abut his private life.
9. His social media is private.
Facebook account? Private. Twitter account? Private. Your requests to be added? DENIED. If you are good enough to spend time with and do the down and dirty with, you are good enough to be a part of his social network.
10. He keeps in contact with his exes.
And he knows where they live, what they are doing at any given moment and they are still on speed dial. If he is still friends with every girl that he's every dated, be warned. Guys like this rarely suffer any emotional heartbreak. They quickly move on to the next and somewhere in his mind he may think you are already the next ex.
Kimberly James is a Matchmaker and dating expert.